Gohan's Seriously MessedUp Dream
by Arzosah
Summary: Part 3 of a triad. Vegeta and Cell have had their bizarre dreams, and now Gohan will have his. Contains swearing and disturbing mental images as usual for this series . Please read and review.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z.

AN: This is the third and final piece in the triad made up of Vegeta's Seriously Messed-Up Dream and Cell's Seriously Messed-Up Dream. You do not need to have read those two, but I would recommend it because there is a running joke through all three.

Gohan's Seriously Messed-Up Dream

Gohan flew over the city in his Saiyaman disguise. The sky was a pristine blue, the sun was unhealthily bright, and for some reason the smog smelled like cupcakes. Below him everyone was happy and there were no crimes as far as the eye could see. It seemed like today would be his easy day…

The sudden sound of sirens made him realize that he'd thought too soon. Sighing, he flew down to the bank being robbed. He swore he saw this bank being robbed _every_ _single day_. He landed between the squad cars and the building, preparing to do his little spiel first, complete with poses, but stopped short when he recognized the crooks coming out of the building.

"Mr. Satan… and the Ginyu force…?!" And sure enough it was Mr. Satan and the Ginyu force, minus Captain Ginyu himself. The self-proclaimed savior of the world seemed to be wearing the former captain's armor, though, instead of his normal clothes. They noticed him at about that time also.

"Alright, places everyone," Hurcule ordered when he noticed their audience, and they all quickly got into 'formation'.

"We are…" they all yelled in unison. "The one and only Satan Force!"

As they yelled that last part they all got into a variety of bizarre poses that made Gohan not sure if he wanted to faint, beat his forehead in exasperation, or claw at his skull shrieking 'the stupid, it burns!'. Instead he opted to just stand there in stunned silence. When they got no response, the 'Satan Force' broke out of their poses and into a huddle. After some mumbling, they turned back around and started all over again.

"We are…" they once more yelled in unison, dropping into new poses. "The one and only Satan Force!"

Gohan continued to stand in stunned silence, praying that they wouldn't decide they needed to do it a third time. His suspension of disbelief was already shot to hell and the day had barely started. Thankfully his salvation came in the form of Videl materializing at his side.

"Gohan, what are you doing?! We have an exam in five minutes!" she screamed and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him away from her oddly behaving father that she hadn't seemed to have noticed. He figured it was in his best interest to offer no resistance; at least he got an excuse to leave.

The next thing Gohan knew was that he was standing in a classroom, thankfully no longer in his Saiyaman disguise. He must have managed to push the button on his watch during the struggle to get him here. Trying to act casual, he sat down in his usual seat, and calmly waited for the professor to show up.

He didn't have to wait long, for after a few minutes the door to the classroom opened again to admit someone new. But once again Gohan was shocked by who he saw sauntering in: it was Cell, straight-backed, oozing confidence, and somehow as imposing as he remembered him despite the large stack of papers in his arms and the reading glasses perched on his pointy nose. Gohan sunk deeper into his seat and tried to become invisible: _Cell_ was proctoring his exam, and no one else seemed bothered by it.

The chimera calmly strode over to the large desk at the front of the classroom and set the stack of exam papers down on top of it. Removing his reading glasses, he turned to face the students.

"Good afternoon, children," he addressed smoothly, leaning back casually until the desk supported most of his weight. "My name is Cell and I will be your exam proctor."

Despite Gohan's efforts to become invisible, Cell still spotted him, and gave him a look that said 'I look forward to making your life miserable today'.

"Now, I run an orderly classroom, and have a set of rules that I expect to be followed," the chimera continued without missing a beat. "Disobedience of said rules will not be tolerated. In layman's terms: you're all my bitches now."

Gohan, blinked; that had to be one of the last things he expected to hear Cell say. But then again, he supposed some of his classmates did need to hear that in simple words they understood.

"My first rule is simple: since this is a test, there will be no speaking unless spoken to by me. If you have a question, you all know how to raise your hands. Secondly, there will be no walking out of the classroom while the exam is in session. If you must leave to use the facilities do so now." When his class did nothing but give his confused looks, except Gohan of course, Cell groaned and squeezed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "I said speak not and forever hold your pee."

A murmur of recognition swept through the classroom before they all clammed up, realizing what the first rule meant.

"And thirdly, I am aware that this is a hard exam, but I expect everyone here to be mature about it and to not break down crying." This rule was met with more stunned silence. "Now, before we begin are their any questions? Yes, you in the back with the day-glow-orange shirt."

"Will this test be graded on a curve?" the student in the back with the extremely bright orange shirt asked in the most annoying whiny voice Gohan had ever heard.

"Yes, the better Gohan does, the worse everyone else will do." He really wished Cell hadn't just said that; He could feel the glares of resentment already. "Any more questions? None? Good, then I'll just start passing out the exams."

Cell then turned around, briskly scooped up the stack of papers on the desk and proceeded to do just that. Gohan meanwhile tried his best to vanish under his desk in a slump. His efforts were in vain, however, as it did not deter Cell once he arrived at his row.

"Hello, Gohan, how are you?" he asked in an almost friendly tone, one that the young demi-saiyan wasn't sure belonged in the chimera's mouth.

"I've been better," he answered honestly as Cell set the exam down on the desk top in front of him. If there was no escaping this then he might as well not come out looking like a coward. Even if it meant people thought he was weird for being on speaking terms with Cell. And maybe he would just ace the test just to spite them.

With that resolve, Gohan resolutely turned his exam paper over and lifted his pencil to begin. But was suddenly forced to do a double take. The first question read:

1) What is phagocytosis?

A) A martial arts discipline

B) A bodily function

C) 42

D) Hotdog with relish and ketchup, hold the mustard

That made absolutely no sense; phagocytosis was none of these things. Okay so it did occur in the body, but that wasn't the point. Not sure what to do, he selected answer b, the most relevant answer, and moved on. The next question was even weirder; it read:

2) Where is the dam?

A) In a river

B) On the moon

C) 42

D) Hotdog with relish and ketchup, hold the mustard

The questions weren't even on the same topic. Gohan cast a glance up to the front of the classroom, where Cell was sitting calmly on the desk, absently licking a lollipop of some kind. And hell, two of the possible answers were the same as the ones from the first question. And they were in the next question, too:

3) When was the battle of Hippies?

A) At night

B) In a drainage ditch

C) 42

D) Hotdog with relish and ketchup, hold the mustard

What sort of test was this?! And another question after that almost made him scream:

5) Who killed Cell?

A) Son Gohan

B) 10 cents

C) 42

D) Hotdog with relish and ketchup, hold the mustard

Were the test writers trying to humiliate him? First the curve policy now this? Gohan wasn't sure his day could get any worse. Almost disturbingly on cue, the door burst open, and in tumbled the newly dubbed 'Satan Force', yelling and posing all the way.

"We are… the one and only—" they were thankfully cut off by an angry roar from Cell.

"Out! Out! Out! Out! Out!" he screamed, punctuating each 'out' by throwing one of them through the far window. They were too busy posing to put up much of a struggle. Gohan breathed a sigh of relief, actually glad for Cell for once.

"Sorry, about that, children," the chimera calmly reassured the students. "And since you are being so well behaved, I'll give you a freebee: for the answer to question 8, look to your left."

Everyone, Gohan included, flipped to question 8 and looked to their left. The question:

8) What is Frieza eating?

And low and behold, the pale tyrant sat there eating, wonder of wonders, a hotdog with relish, ketchup, and no mustard. For some reason, this made Gohan feel relieved: maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. He was immediately proven wrong, however, as his father appeared in the door way.

"Hey, Gohan," Goku called out. "I just wanted to let you know that you forgot to get dressed this morning."

Gohan jolted awake, nearly bolting away from the desk he'd been sleeping at. The other occupants of the library were staring at him as if he'd lost his mind. After a brief moment of panic, he turned to Videl, who had been sitting next to him.

"Never let me fall asleep again!"


End file.
